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I start hacking up some Easily Distracted By Bicycles Vintage Shirt of the deepest wettest coughs I can manage and telling him I have had terrible aches for days now and my lungs feel heavy but reassure him that I am a supporter of his and I know that this COVID thing is nothing but a liberal hoax to get him out of the office and I am one of his biggest supporters and between deep hacking coughs I tell him how we need to stick together to make America great again. While still coughing like crazy I keep gesturing to him to shake my hand because it would mean so much to me to shake the hand of the person I am claiming to commit so much of my time and money to get people to vote for him.
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If he does actually go Easily Distracted By Bicycles Vintage Shirt in for the handshake on my mucus-covered hand, I pull away at the last second and ask if he has been tested for AIDS recently. There is no good answer to that question. If he says he has, I act appalled as to why he would need to be tested. If he says he has not, I tell him that while COVID is a hoax, AIDS is absolutely real and I can’t risk catching it from untested people and I pull away from my hand in disgust and just stare judgingly at him without saying another word the whole time after singing his praises up to that point.
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